There is another possibility to unconsciousness or slothfulness – and that is that repetition of a behavior, if experienced enough, either through visual or auditory induction, will become a part of the subconscious mind and be expressed outwardly without ever any reflection on its meaning. The thumb and pinky finger being used to represent “call me” or saying “SO” at the beginning of most sentences in a public presentation are just some of the many ways unconscious behavior becomes the norm for those who do not think about their behavior.

Here is my favorite – NO PROBLEM. Used by just about every customer service person in this country, this infection has spread like smallpox. When the rest of us say, (what we were taught) “Thank you” in return for some form of service, what do we get In return? “You’re welcome.” NO – we receive instead this inane, nonsensical (nice ways of saying STUPID) response: “NO PROBLEM.”

Much to the horror of the people with me, to the service person who has just uttered such nonsense, I will ask: “Was there a PROBLEM?” Completely unaware of “what in the hell I am talking about”, they respond to my question with a vapid gaze of confusion and in fact, look as if they may be wondering if I am a part time axe murderer just out for lunch.

There is a solution to this problem – that is to require all people of America to eat at Chick-fil-A for all meals for at least 30 days – the period it takes normally to change behavior. Because it is within this well defined and cultured tribal system that you will discover something very wonderful. When you say thank you for the service, you will hear the response: “My pleasure.” Isn’t that marvelous?

This past week I had the privilege of being invited to the bedside of a friend’s mother and asked to say some final words with her. The family stood around the bedside of this 90 year old traveler waiting for me to do something or say something that would make a difference. The unconscious mother, (if that is ever really true except when a husband does NOT notice his wife’s haircut) lay ready for the words of passage and the anointing oil of transition to send her on her way. She didn’t protest – the family didn’t micro-manage – everyone participated with teary eyes and thankful hearts for this mini ritual of care and celebration. It was easy – and it was safe.

Living is the part that is dangerous. We begin our formation from a passionate – or sometimes dutiful intercourse where union of egg and sperm have the most fun only to travel an arduous path nine months later in the process of being born. The struggle continues: crying, feeding, pooping, changing, drooling, crawling, walking, falling – and the final years repeat exactly the same pattern. What happens in between is sex, money, accumulation, ego, success, failure and then, only occasional sex.

Whatever life path anyone chooses – and those pathways are about as varied as DNA – the reality at the end of the path is the same for everyone because “Dying is absolutely safe.” It goes only in one direction – it is the final experience of being unencumbered – there is nothing you have to do or be concerned about failing – it is the last inhalation of a life of multiple breaths and that life concludes with the final exhale of thanksgiving. Some even say, “Oh Wow!”

The elegant lady mentioned earlier passed over to the next dimension 17 hours after she allowed us to do “our thing.” With family intact and present, she took the final step in the process – she let go – because Dying is Absolutely Safe. She knew that – she did it – and she did it well.

May the same be said of us when the last exhalation patiently awaits us.

I think that it is in the forgetting of the dream that the problem of unachieved goals begins. Instead of the dream being the carrot toward which we ascend, we forget and it eventually just becomes another vegetable in the stew of reality. We get caught up in the business of the perpetual morning after and we forget the images and visitors from the dream before.

I am not big on goal setting other than for the big ones of Health, Happiness, Humility and Holiness – and I certainly do not create New Year’s resolutions. But I do believe in dreams and I have consistently fulfilled their beckoning call. In terms of night time dreams, I remember most of them from the night before. As for all of us, most are just a purging of “stuff” in full Technicolor with drama and characters fit for a comic book, but every once in a while I have a “Lesson Dream” – something that is full of metaphor and meaning that I need to not only remember but to practice.

Over the past 40 years, I have had 3 epoch dreams (one every 12 years) that were actually life changing. Each introduced a character (Bear, Rhino and Eagle) and a new direction that I honored and followed. To this day, I can still describe in every detail each of those three dreams and the impact they had upon my life.

So what if you are one of those who cannot remember your dreams? You know you’ve had some – you felt as if you worked all night and you wake up exhausted from what you know must have been going on in your dream state, but you can’t remember a thing. It’s okay – there is no need to feel frustrated because even if you don’t remember your dreams, your dreams remember you!

I learned a profound lesson many years ago from an indigenous tribal leader who said very simply:

“There is a dream dreaming us.”

I believe this is true. Whether in a parallel universe or a reflection of a reflection, there is something beyond us that has a dream for who we can become. Just as a parent has hope for the fulfillment of a child’s life, this Dream dreaming us has the same desire. And this dream source does not forget.

If you happen to only stay on track with your well intentioned goals for 2012 for a short period because you have forgotten the image of what you want to become, be at peace and don’t beat yourself up. There is enough guilt and shame already. Just remember – at least this:

“Even if you don’t remember your dreams, your dream(s) remembers you.”

“How can you say you’re never busy?” some have asked in exasperation as if I have found a key to immortality and won’t share the source. Perhaps it is a matter of semantics but I choose to be involved – never busy.

I think that busyness has become the new status symbol. If you “are busy” then you must be important. I find in this stage in my life that NOT being important is most important – having less is more interesting than more – and being available and involved is much more desirable than being consumed with “busyness.”

I have a good friend who always says when I ask “how are you”? replies tiredly, “Oh, I am so busy” – to which I always reply: “I am so sorry – how long have you been like this?” His predicable response is: “I know, I know but what can you do?”
I have an answer to his question but I refrain from any more unsolicited suggestions.

What we do is a matter of choice – even addicts will agree with this as “picking up” is a choice. Yes, it is motivated by remarkable energy history below the surface which drives the behavior, but the action is still a choice. I choose not to be busy as it suggests a reactive approach to life and I prefer a deliberative approach. A mentor of mine, in her own life discovery process, once published these immortal words:

“I do enough, I have enough, and I am enough!” I have never forgotten them.

If the phone rings and I am available to pick it up, I make the choice to be present. If I am asked, “Are you busy?” I could launch into my speech about never being busy or if I was involved I would, of course, not answer the phone but instead, I politely say: “No, I am fully available for you right now.”

I encourage you, if you have been invited to serve as a Mentor for a curious soul, to avoid busyness and instead, embrace involvement whenever you are with those who seek your guidance. You may discover that instead of being busy, you will become a gift they seek and a blessing they need.

Here are some of the concepts of that program:
1. Managers DO NOT manage people – they manage only their own behavior (studies prove consistently that 65% of the work climate is determined by the behavior of the manager). It is up to the manager, who has most likely been promoted due to prior success, to manage their inflated ego, short term euphoria, and fear of incompetence and not let their dysfunctions become a negative influence the team.
2. Managers DO manage an environment – whether physical or virtual, where people can be successful, affirmed, challenged, and counted upon for ideation, decision making, and accountability to their peers.
3. Managers DO manage relationships. This is a primary responsibility which includes not only the people who work for you, but the majority who do not but still serve as primary contributors in one’s vast network of connections. Mass collaboration is the new form of economic organization and smart managers realize that there is wisdom in “the crowd.”
4. Managers DO NOT get accurate and honest feedback due to the hangover of the old system. Managers must seek Truth Tellers as a way of encouraging open, honest, direct, and skillful feedback without even a hint of retaliation.
5. Managers DO need to encourage change, innovation, and adaptability as would any entrepreneur or venture capitalist. New markets, new competition, or new technology can change overnight and “savvy stewards of the barn” need to be keenly aware and flexible.
6. Managers DO NOT become so aligned with the system that they become focused on self-perpetuation and mired in the lumbering process of bureaucracy. They must lead their team as loyal skeptics wary of anything stultifying or inane and often move under the radar until the whole catches up with its parts.
7. Managers DO need to behave as if they were fully alive, conscious, empathetic, and aware that they are contributing to a “Greater Good” as well as to the bottom line of the organization they serve. Managers are HUMAN and it is the human element that is still the best source of disruptive innovation, authentic recognition, and unparalleled achievement – something every system, whether in this century or the next, seeks.

This past week, my two associates assisted me in guiding the team mentioned in a previous blog to discover what Leo Tolstoy said eight decades ago, “All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”

On day two, we began by reflecting upon what was learned on day one and who/what was the teacher. One participant commented that he was “furious with me.” After I encouraged him to say more he announced that until yesterday he was prepared to quit this team and leave his job altogether. The reason he changed his mind was that “I made him fall in love with his teammates again.” He was angry he couldn’t proceed with his original plan as he was called back, due to love.

Another said he had been unable to sleep all night because the experience of the first day was “working him.” He too, now was ready to re-commit to the team and their daunting list of projects with a new energy. In the end, we discovered others ready to leave the team and two ready to move to another position. While the two will move to another role, all three decided to stay on and do the work necessary to build the trust for the relationships necessary to complete their assigned goals. I attribute most of this activity to the power of love.

I am not shy about challenging people to love each other. Why not love? It doesn’t mean you have to like them – just love them. After all, we spend more time with these people then we do with our families. Creating an atmosphere of love and practicing open, honest and direct communication sometimes is the key factor for transformation.

It was the monastic and spiritual teacher Thomas Aquinas who taught the 5 Stages to Love:

1. Romance – this formative stage is one of energy, chemical highs and the belief that everything is possible.

2. Disillusionment – it doesn’t take long to grasp the reality that she “sleeps on MY side of the bed.”

3. Choice – Time to make a decision, either on to # 4 or back to # 1 – most choose # 1 because we are Romance addicts.

4. WORK – this is the hard part – we actually have to work at our relationships, give up some of our territory, adjust our boundaries and trust the people next to us.

5. Love – The culmination of the four steps – the prize – the gift – the achievement – the foundation of all else that will come – like getting to work!

Eleven:
I was eleven years old when I began my shadow life – pool hustler making about $100.00 per weekend and smoking two packs of Pall Mall cigarettes (filter less) per day and could have been considered a bit of a “Hood.” I loved girls a lot and also ran my first business at a considerable profit so my path seemed clear. The exception was that I served at the Altar each week as an Altar Boy and little did I know that my sinful and lecherous life was headed for the Priesthood by the age of 24. Oh well, early days of street wisdom might make for better priests.

One:
Being Number One was always the team pursuit in High School where I quarterbacked an undefeated team to a conference championship. Our track team won the sectionals seven years in a row and our collective teams won 5 championships in my senior year of high school.

Eleven:
Back to eleven again – I can’t think of anything so I will just move on to the theme of 11-1-11.

This is the day we are starting the campaign for training 11,111 Transformational Leaders over the next seven years. That’s seems doable averaging 1587 participants per year. We are off to a slow start since I have time to sit here today and write this blog but we are confident. With all our varied programs in communication, emotional intelligence, our various leadership programs and our HUMANagement programs for managers, we should make a dent in this lofty goal.

Twelve
But the Ace in the Hole is The Eagle’s Seminar. (Each Ascends to Greatness in Leadership through Exemplary Service.) It is a “Pay-it-Forward” program for developing thousands of much needed Mentors for helping employ our jobless veterans, for assisting college students in their development, at risk kids in the 8th grade or even assisting a developing program in Afghanistan. Whoever is the recipient, each Eagle has a team of 12 with them. We will train teams of 12 Eagles at a time which, if you do the math equals 156 participants (12x’s 13). If we offer two programs per month, that equals 3,744 mentors per year. But it does not stop there. Each of those mentors will be responsible for guiding 7 Mentees – that equals 26,208 people touched by the program in just one year. Multiply that times seven years and you get …well you know, the “bigger picture.” We hope to make it – and then some.

Forbes Magazine also embraces the number indicated by two recent articles:
The Ten Most Hated Jobs (August 11, 2011)
The Ten Happiest Jobs (September 11, 2011)

I was happy to discover that I do five of the ten happiest jobs. Of course, I kind of knew that because I am so happy in my work since all the dimensions of what I do fulfill my purpose, are based on what I value and believe and contribute to a legacy that I will leave behind. But what disturbs me about The Ten Most Hated Jobs is that they are hated because of various contributions from upper management which makes them so:

Nepotism, cronyism, disrespect, lack of direction, incoherent communication, uncaring

I have used the phrase for years “Higher means lonelier” which has proven to be true in my dealing with executives for whom I was the only person (they thought) with whom they could confide. But perhaps, after reading the report about the destructive and chaotic behavior from above that is contributing to jobs being hated, the phrase should be:
“Higher means loonier”

I have great respect for most of the leaders with whom I have worked and if they leaned toward some of the narcissistic tendencies described above, they were soon corrected or I was no longer a part of the picture. But instead of blasting the “Ego’s insatiable appetite for more” or the “Need for control because your own life is out of control” tirade, let me instead point out what contributes to making the Happiest Jobs an expression of joy:

1. 1. Helping others and giving without expectation of reward.
   (Clergy, Firefighters, Counselors, Physical Therapists)
2. 2. Teaching (from the Latin word meaning to draw out)
   (Teachers, Special Education Teachers, Authors)
3. 3. A lack of concern about a high income – all but one of the jobs ranks in the lower income range.
4. 4. An opportunity to “play” with toys
   (Artist, Heavy Equipment Operator)

I hope that your job becomes your work and that you too find happiness in what you spend most of your time doing.

This foolish political and debilitating posturing is not a new behavior. My great Grandfather, several generations removed, was Robert Morris, the Financier of the American Revolution and the most successful entrepreneur of early America. Because of his ability in trade and his visionary leadership, he begrudgingly was called into service too many times to assist the fledgling congress. As first chairperson of the revolutionary organizers and a signer of both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, he also was Washington’s premier ally. “Grandfather”, exasperated by the congress’s inability to make a decision about whether or not to send money for rescuing the starving and desperate troops in Valley Forge, sent his own money and supplies repeatedly. When there was no gunpowder, he found it in Europe and smuggled past the British Blockade to send to the troops what they needed. After exhausting most of his fortune in support of the American effort (an admittedly some material pleasures), he ended up in debtor’s prison –uncompensated and unrecognized.

My recommendation to the current fledgling and bumbling Congress, is to empty their palatial offices, say goodbye to their network of cronies, cash in their unique benefits package and make way for a new Congress – a Conscription Congress – a body of leadership that goes to Washington for a four year only commitment to use their visionary capacity and leadership skills for bringing about resolutions to the problems facing the nation.

With no air of entitlement, no constituency, and no need for political gaming, this new Congress would be conscripted from a pool of emotionally intelligent and leadership qualified volunteers willing to serve. I have at least 50 Baby Boomer clients and friends, retired CEO’s and successful entrepreneurs who would welcome such an opportunity to lead. Chosen from a lottery of tens of thousands of potential leaders, America could come racing back and these real and untethered problem solvers would have fun doing it.

I welcome your thoughts for continuing the tradition of sending much needed help to Washington – with a promise of no debtor’s prison as your reward.

When we hear the calculation that if the government starting paying off its debt now at 100 million per day, without spending another cent and that it would take 389 years to accomplish, we are tempted to ask: “What’s next?”

When we hear that we have not yet even begun the real tornado season or that we didn’t have flood insurance, we might ask: “What’s next?”

Job had the same issue. Boils, family dying, cattle dead yet instead he asked:  “Is that your best shot?” or in other words:  What’s next!

As Rocky Balboa would say:  “Is that all you got?  When pushed to the edge, can we ask the same? Of course we can – if we are resilient enough based on belief – belief in self and belief in the reality that we are not alone.  “What’s Next?” need not be a lament – instead, it is also a question of invitation. It does not have to be the moan of a frightened soul – instead it can be a question of the intrigued adventurer who seeks the next level of investigation.

I have put aside some of my regular classes this Fall in order to offer a very affordable, two day experience at our farm center in Virginia for those who are asking this question. When some of my client companies are terminating many of their employees, I believe it is a time to reach out to those who may be afraid of “What’s next?” and instead reinterpret the invitation.  The instrumentation we use (The Judgment Index) gives a remarkable accounting of where you are and suggests where you could be. “What’s next?” is a marvelous opportunity to stop doing a job and start doing your work. It is a time to follow your passion and believe in the opportunity.

I had the good fortune of being a friend of the great poet, John O’Donohue. Here are his words for you.

“Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.”

For more information on the two day “What’s Next?” Seminar click here. For dates and availability, please call (540) 270-6825