In his book The Awakened Heart, Gerald May reminds us that love takes time and loving well is even less efficient. On this early Mother’s Day morning, I celebrate the love of mothers and the reality that LOVE may not have always been the best use of her time.

Remember…

When she was the one who came to school when the principal called and said that your behavior was going to be the subject of an emergency meeting…

When she sat up with you through the night as you struggled to breathe through your pneumonia cluttered lungs…

When she always found a way to secretly send you “a little something” for spending while away at college even though your family couldn’t afford it…

When she was the one at the sideline of your athletic event each and every week…

Remember…

How the dinner dishes magically disappeared when you so conveniently “had to go to the bathroom” in your nightly routine…

How your bed was turned down even though you were two hours late according to your Father’s curfew…

How, when she asked you where you had been the response, “playing” was adequate…

How she quietly sewed your name tags into all your clothes before going off to college so that your suite mates wouldn’t “touch your stuff”…

Remember…

Who always thought about what to have for dinner while the rest of us thought about what we were having for dinner…

Who had the magic kiss for healing the bruised elbow or skinned knee…

Who was the one who ironed your shirts with the lingering aroma of Spray Starch…

Who was most worried when you drove home from college in your VW Bug (and she was correct)…

Why, we ask, did she do all this for us when we may not have appeared to be the best investment of time or even grateful? Why did she so often forget her own needs to attend to ours? Why did she stand as guard of our honor and protector of our rights? And why did she love us even when we were most unlovable?

Because she was our Mom – and that’s what Mom’s do, even if it wasn’t the most efficient use of her time. But then, who’s keeping track anyway? That would be too efficient!

This week I am facilitating the development of a team that may have a profound impact on the world of technology and for the average user of that ever-evolving realm. I began working with this team eight years ago when they were formed, so we aren’t exactly strangers. The first thing I told them back then was that they were all superstars to which they all beamed with the pride that only a superstar can engender; then I gave them the bad news: superstar teams have been proven to have the highest rates of failure. Following their audible groan of disbelief, we carried on over a four year period and they developed into a truly high performance team. I then left them on their own—this was not the best idea. Now, four years later, with only one original member remaining, they have called upon me again to attempt another surgical procedure.

This time my team has used the most unusual instrument I have ever experienced, The Judgment Index. It is the most mathematical and analytical instrument in the world and possibly the most illuminating as well. The results have been profound and, prior to the beginning of our two day session, we may know more about each team member than even their spouse or partner. Interestingly, their most profound deficit is in the area of SELF-CONCEPT.

I write today’s blog partly as my extraverted way of figuring out how to handle this group who’s biggest developmental needs are: Self-Esteem, Self-Regard, Self-Criticism, and Validity and Strength of Self, . Isn’t it fascinating to think that a professional group of some of the world’s keenest scientific and technological minds has to deal with the demon of a poor sense of self BEFORE getting on to the significant challenges that lay before them?

In my book,Living Simultaneously: Balancing Self-care, Personal Relationships and Work, I purposely placed SELF CARE before the other two life circles. That’s because it is critical to care for the instrument that goes “into relationship and work” each day. Otherwise, we bring an exhausted and deficient self into the experiences that are most challenging. I am not proposing narcissism, egotism or self-aggrandizement, but rather common sense. We wouldn’t think of driving our vehicle for the next year without gas, oil, grease and some semblance of attention. Why do we place ourselves so low on the forever growing list of priorities? Is it fear of failure, of confrontation and of “taking a stand?” I guess I will find out soon.

The Power of the Visual is certainly not only about acquisitions or romance – it is, however one of the ways in which the heart is stimulated to action and sends messages to the body to ACT.

It was in 1968 that the first picture of the Earth from the Apollo mission was seen by the people of our planet. It is a photograph that immediately became iconic in its beauty, color, movement and graciousness. We could finally gaze at our fragile island home with new appreciation, wonder and a new consciousness regarding our stewardship of our fellow traveler in now increasing need. What emerged was the beginning of:

• Earth Day
• The Environmental Protection Agency
• The Ban on DDT
• Doctors without Borders

All this from ONE PICTURE!

Imagine what our corporations or even religious organizations would be like if we imagined all leadership powerful yet kind – visionary yet appreciative of detail and individual differences – individually considerate yet able to grasp the whole – intellectually stimulating yet embracing simplicity – inspirationally motivating yet able to follow – and an ideal influence for others by a willingness to promote values and beliefs as a transparent and authentic example.

I was recently struck with the VISUAL of Pope Gregory’s visit to Mexico and Cuba. Arriving by the Pope Air Bus, the Holy Father was transported to his bullet proof Pope Mobile for his mix with the adoring, yet distanced masses. In contrast, I ponder the picture of the simple rabbi who rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, making their way slowly on palm fronds laid down as a carpet fitting for a King.

Simplicity is next to Godliness – less is more – and without the jewels of an earthly kingdom, this simple servant leader went on to begin the change of this beautiful world that generously and patiently continues to hang majestically in space.

I no longer have that 57 corvette but I do have two beautiful feet that sit beside me in a farm house that had been waiting for its renewal. May the visual that inspires you help you become that picture that leaves a lasting legacy that will remain a part of the history of our sacred planet Earth.

Though mentioned by Benjamin Franklin in 1784, the modern idea of daylight saving was first proposed in 1895 by George Vernon Hudson and it was first implemented during the First World War. Many countries have used it at various times since (The UK calls it Daylight Summer Time.)

The practice has been both praised and criticized. Adding daylight to evenings benefits retailing, sports, and other activities that exploit sunlight after working hours but can cause problems for evening entertainment and other occupations tied to the sun. Its effect on health and crime is less clear. Although an early goal of DST was to reduce evening usage of incandescent lighting, formerly a primary use of electricity, modern heating and cooling usage patterns differ greatly, and research about how DST currently affects energy use is limited or contradictory.
But, in spite of the contradictions, this author loves the extended evenings for gardening, MOWING and just “being outside.”

But what if we turned our clocks ahead ONE DAY? Since the pattern has been to do this deed on a Sunday, it would mean that we would start our week on Tuesday – perhaps a better idea since SO many seem to hate Mondays. Or, if you have a meeting with an irascible client, you could intentionally schedule the meeting on THAT Monday so that the meeting would be cancelled until the following year! Or if you could skip your Monday, Wednesday, Friday workout routine; save on a whole day of feeding the dogs; Not age in any way so that on Tuesday, others may say that “You look so much younger!” Your Twelve year old would also be happier as it means one day closer to being THIRTEEN!

If we did this every year, we would live longer on an average of 75 more days. That particular weekend would come much faster, we would skip at least three meals and we could enjoy an entire day of silence – somewhere in Quantum space.

The real benefit may in fact be that we actually MISSED our one day – that we grow more aware of how each moment of life is precious and that marvelous opportunity or connection that we have been waiting for will never come as it was appointed on THAT Monday that we skipped.

I love living in the moment – and I occasionally even do it – and the thoughts of missing that marvelous phone call that I had, or the sweet smiles of my life partner is just not worth it.

So let’s scrap this idea and continue to just live with the ONE LOST HOUR. But I do wonder where that hour went – or what may have happened if we had just left things alone.

Because, he says: “we are not very far from our beginnings; when every moment was precarious, lions lurking behind the next bush, our nervous systems were primed for detecting anything threatening. A watering hole or ripe banana was welcome but they don’t trigger the adrenal rush of a rival with a weapon or a misstep into quicksand.”

So, in other words, our primal selves are more alive these days because danger keeps us awake! This is an interesting thought and the ultimate in optimism – and I like it. I support anything that contributes to more consciousness!

I am not advocating a caveman resurgence – certainly not in the leadership jungle – there are enough of those types out there already. But, as Daniel Goleman wrote in Primal Leadership, there is a basic and primal emotional intelligence that is the key to our awakening and for leading at the highest level. Thus, our highest expression of self may result from again tapping the primal brain of “fight or flight” as it is contributing to us being more aware.

As a proponent of using the “Whole Brain”, here is how the order could work for more wholeness:

The Primal brain, as acknowledged above, keeps us on our toes, making us “more conscious and more alert. (This will negate Abraham Maslow’s theory that only 5% of the population will ever be conscious –who ever thought the answer would lie in returning to the cave?) The next and older Limbic or emotional brain follows the sequence by giving us great clues through intuition and gut feelings that we should acknowledge before sending the data to the third brain, or thinking brain, for analysis. Most would stop there (actually most never get there) but there is more – much more. Beyond the cognitive synapses of thinking, lies wisdom, buried deep in the recesses of the grey matter, formed by many years of experience, emotion and information. Like a kitchen blender, it takes all the ingredients and produces a smoothie of beauty that lacks the complexity of data and the frivolity of emotion. Wisdom instead, is like pure honey gathered from the local bees of the neighborhood and serves as an antidote to the allergies of unconsciousness.

So perhaps we are finally arriving at the highest level of brain function by first returning to what is old –even ancient. And the good news is that the bad news is the good news. Figure that one out – it may require all of your brains.

There is another possibility to unconsciousness or slothfulness – and that is that repetition of a behavior, if experienced enough, either through visual or auditory induction, will become a part of the subconscious mind and be expressed outwardly without ever any reflection on its meaning. The thumb and pinky finger being used to represent “call me” or saying “SO” at the beginning of most sentences in a public presentation are just some of the many ways unconscious behavior becomes the norm for those who do not think about their behavior.

Here is my favorite – NO PROBLEM. Used by just about every customer service person in this country, this infection has spread like smallpox. When the rest of us say, (what we were taught) “Thank you” in return for some form of service, what do we get In return? “You’re welcome.” NO – we receive instead this inane, nonsensical (nice ways of saying STUPID) response: “NO PROBLEM.”

Much to the horror of the people with me, to the service person who has just uttered such nonsense, I will ask: “Was there a PROBLEM?” Completely unaware of “what in the hell I am talking about”, they respond to my question with a vapid gaze of confusion and in fact, look as if they may be wondering if I am a part time axe murderer just out for lunch.

There is a solution to this problem – that is to require all people of America to eat at Chick-fil-A for all meals for at least 30 days – the period it takes normally to change behavior. Because it is within this well defined and cultured tribal system that you will discover something very wonderful. When you say thank you for the service, you will hear the response: “My pleasure.” Isn’t that marvelous?

This past week I had the privilege of being invited to the bedside of a friend’s mother and asked to say some final words with her. The family stood around the bedside of this 90 year old traveler waiting for me to do something or say something that would make a difference. The unconscious mother, (if that is ever really true except when a husband does NOT notice his wife’s haircut) lay ready for the words of passage and the anointing oil of transition to send her on her way. She didn’t protest – the family didn’t micro-manage – everyone participated with teary eyes and thankful hearts for this mini ritual of care and celebration. It was easy – and it was safe.

Living is the part that is dangerous. We begin our formation from a passionate – or sometimes dutiful intercourse where union of egg and sperm have the most fun only to travel an arduous path nine months later in the process of being born. The struggle continues: crying, feeding, pooping, changing, drooling, crawling, walking, falling – and the final years repeat exactly the same pattern. What happens in between is sex, money, accumulation, ego, success, failure and then, only occasional sex.

Whatever life path anyone chooses – and those pathways are about as varied as DNA – the reality at the end of the path is the same for everyone because “Dying is absolutely safe.” It goes only in one direction – it is the final experience of being unencumbered – there is nothing you have to do or be concerned about failing – it is the last inhalation of a life of multiple breaths and that life concludes with the final exhale of thanksgiving. Some even say, “Oh Wow!”

The elegant lady mentioned earlier passed over to the next dimension 17 hours after she allowed us to do “our thing.” With family intact and present, she took the final step in the process – she let go – because Dying is Absolutely Safe. She knew that – she did it – and she did it well.

May the same be said of us when the last exhalation patiently awaits us.

I think that it is in the forgetting of the dream that the problem of unachieved goals begins. Instead of the dream being the carrot toward which we ascend, we forget and it eventually just becomes another vegetable in the stew of reality. We get caught up in the business of the perpetual morning after and we forget the images and visitors from the dream before.

I am not big on goal setting other than for the big ones of Health, Happiness, Humility and Holiness – and I certainly do not create New Year’s resolutions. But I do believe in dreams and I have consistently fulfilled their beckoning call. In terms of night time dreams, I remember most of them from the night before. As for all of us, most are just a purging of “stuff” in full Technicolor with drama and characters fit for a comic book, but every once in a while I have a “Lesson Dream” – something that is full of metaphor and meaning that I need to not only remember but to practice.

Over the past 40 years, I have had 3 epoch dreams (one every 12 years) that were actually life changing. Each introduced a character (Bear, Rhino and Eagle) and a new direction that I honored and followed. To this day, I can still describe in every detail each of those three dreams and the impact they had upon my life.

So what if you are one of those who cannot remember your dreams? You know you’ve had some – you felt as if you worked all night and you wake up exhausted from what you know must have been going on in your dream state, but you can’t remember a thing. It’s okay – there is no need to feel frustrated because even if you don’t remember your dreams, your dreams remember you!

I learned a profound lesson many years ago from an indigenous tribal leader who said very simply:

“There is a dream dreaming us.”

I believe this is true. Whether in a parallel universe or a reflection of a reflection, there is something beyond us that has a dream for who we can become. Just as a parent has hope for the fulfillment of a child’s life, this Dream dreaming us has the same desire. And this dream source does not forget.

If you happen to only stay on track with your well intentioned goals for 2012 for a short period because you have forgotten the image of what you want to become, be at peace and don’t beat yourself up. There is enough guilt and shame already. Just remember – at least this:

“Even if you don’t remember your dreams, your dream(s) remembers you.”

“How can you say you’re never busy?” some have asked in exasperation as if I have found a key to immortality and won’t share the source. Perhaps it is a matter of semantics but I choose to be involved – never busy.

I think that busyness has become the new status symbol. If you “are busy” then you must be important. I find in this stage in my life that NOT being important is most important – having less is more interesting than more – and being available and involved is much more desirable than being consumed with “busyness.”

I have a good friend who always says when I ask “how are you”? replies tiredly, “Oh, I am so busy” – to which I always reply: “I am so sorry – how long have you been like this?” His predicable response is: “I know, I know but what can you do?”
I have an answer to his question but I refrain from any more unsolicited suggestions.

What we do is a matter of choice – even addicts will agree with this as “picking up” is a choice. Yes, it is motivated by remarkable energy history below the surface which drives the behavior, but the action is still a choice. I choose not to be busy as it suggests a reactive approach to life and I prefer a deliberative approach. A mentor of mine, in her own life discovery process, once published these immortal words:

“I do enough, I have enough, and I am enough!” I have never forgotten them.

If the phone rings and I am available to pick it up, I make the choice to be present. If I am asked, “Are you busy?” I could launch into my speech about never being busy or if I was involved I would, of course, not answer the phone but instead, I politely say: “No, I am fully available for you right now.”

I encourage you, if you have been invited to serve as a Mentor for a curious soul, to avoid busyness and instead, embrace involvement whenever you are with those who seek your guidance. You may discover that instead of being busy, you will become a gift they seek and a blessing they need.

Here are some of the concepts of that program:
1. Managers DO NOT manage people – they manage only their own behavior (studies prove consistently that 65% of the work climate is determined by the behavior of the manager). It is up to the manager, who has most likely been promoted due to prior success, to manage their inflated ego, short term euphoria, and fear of incompetence and not let their dysfunctions become a negative influence the team.
2. Managers DO manage an environment – whether physical or virtual, where people can be successful, affirmed, challenged, and counted upon for ideation, decision making, and accountability to their peers.
3. Managers DO manage relationships. This is a primary responsibility which includes not only the people who work for you, but the majority who do not but still serve as primary contributors in one’s vast network of connections. Mass collaboration is the new form of economic organization and smart managers realize that there is wisdom in “the crowd.”
4. Managers DO NOT get accurate and honest feedback due to the hangover of the old system. Managers must seek Truth Tellers as a way of encouraging open, honest, direct, and skillful feedback without even a hint of retaliation.
5. Managers DO need to encourage change, innovation, and adaptability as would any entrepreneur or venture capitalist. New markets, new competition, or new technology can change overnight and “savvy stewards of the barn” need to be keenly aware and flexible.
6. Managers DO NOT become so aligned with the system that they become focused on self-perpetuation and mired in the lumbering process of bureaucracy. They must lead their team as loyal skeptics wary of anything stultifying or inane and often move under the radar until the whole catches up with its parts.
7. Managers DO need to behave as if they were fully alive, conscious, empathetic, and aware that they are contributing to a “Greater Good” as well as to the bottom line of the organization they serve. Managers are HUMAN and it is the human element that is still the best source of disruptive innovation, authentic recognition, and unparalleled achievement – something every system, whether in this century or the next, seeks.